Take two triple cheeseburgers and call me in the morning

A lady of the biggie size has filed a complaint because Dr. Terry Bennett, in an effort to spare her future health problems, told her, well, she's a twinkee or two over the limit.

Bennett said that it's a lecture he gives to many of his overweight patients.

"It's your weight, ... and there's dozens of programs," Bennett said. "You don't have to come in here. You can join Jenny Craig. You can go see Weight Watchers."

Bennett said he tells obese patients that their weight is bad for their health and their love lives.

Look, what is a doctor supposed to do? Ignore the cause of her health problems? The patient isn't the doctor's wife asking him if the dress makes her look fat, she's in there for medical help. And with that usually comes advice from the doctor we don't want to hear.

Things like, "Drinking like that can kill you." Or, "Eating a double cheeseburger from Kopps with a side order of onion rings three times daily will kill you." "Smoking three packs of filterless Camels per day will kill you." Or even, "Living like Keith Richards will kill everyone except Keith Richards."

I say this not as a member of the thin and healthy set, but as a member of the "afraid to fly Southwest Airlines" group. I'm a couple of Hostess Ho Hos extra on the scale, too. Okay, I'm a full-scale model for demonstrating the gravity effect of a large mass on a box of donuts.

So let me give some advice to the easily offended fattys of the world. See a fat doctor. They're less likely to recommend the celery broth diet. And price out ahead the extra large coffins. But don't drive up the cost from health care complaining because some healthy doctor wants you to be healthy, too. It's kinda their job.