Veggie dogs, soy chocolate s'mores, God and Country

PETA takes advantage of 70 Boy Scouts contracting e coli from some tainted beef to issue a dietary suggestion to National Capital Area Council of the Boy Scouts of America.

As demand for humane, healthy food has grown, sales of meat substitutes and other vegetarian foods have skyrocketed, and now alternatives to animal products can be found in most grocery stores. Guaranteed crowd-pleasers, Boca Chik'n Patties (a vegetarian version of chicken, but with half the fat and none of the cholesterol) and Gardenburger Riblets (a healthier alternative to pig flesh) would be great additions to any of your scouting events.

Will you please consider serving only vegetarian meals at scouting events and allowing scouts to earn a merit badge for eating a healthy, humane diet?

Hmmm. Pig flesh.

Of course, the e coli from the organic lettuce and tomato on your tofu sandwich will kill you just as quickly. And a kid raised on a Vegan diet may live longer, if you call that living. He's also more likely to die his hair black, listen to techno music, wear more make-up than a girl scout, and never learn how to throw a football properly.

See, what PETA doesn't understand is that this would not be nearly as useful as what my kid's cub scout troop is already doing to avoid the threat of e coli. We're teaching them to kill game with their bare hands so there's always fresh meat at the camp site. Small game at first, of course. But by the time they reach Eagle Scouts it'll be wild boar bacon for breakfast at the camp grounds.

Pinewood Derby Day

Race day today. Will and I put together his car at the last minute Wednesday night with a Sawz-All, a Dremel and some other tools. I had no scale and no experience, and a few days of internet research.

The car looked like a disaster, but don't tell Will. He loved his car, although next year he wants it look like a hill, or even a shark. He knows it's supposed to slope, not have a 90 degree angle just above the rear tires. I can tell I'm going to have to start this project much earlier next year.

The cut was too deep and not very straight. The primer went on fine, but the yellow paint still hasn't dried. Three coats, and I can still see the primer. Next year we're sticking with the primer. We may just go with natural pine and a couple of stickers. At least the pine wouldn't show the graphite thumb prints the same way the yellow paint did. Finally we added a few stickers, stuck on the wheels that had been bathing in graphite, and off we went to the weigh-in Thursday.

Maximum weight is 5 oz. Our car's weight, 3.34 oz. "But it has a low profile" which is what I kept saying. Of course, there's a reason there's a maximum weight limit. While aerodynamics are important, proper weight distribution will make your car a winner. While we did have all the weight in back, it was not enough.

We put it on the test track and the car flew. We were thrilled, even as I kept telling Will, "We're not going to win Saturday. This is our first year, and some of these dads have been building these cars for a few years. This is a learning experience, and next year our car will be much better."

It was a white lie, but I think it made him feel a little better about my prowess with power tools. He stopped suggesting I go to power tool school.

Still, our enthusiasm and our hopes were raised a little by the test experience. The car made it completely down the track and in good time. Come Saturday, who knows?

This morning we went to the school where the race was being held. The track was set up and the cars were all on display, including the Wigderson jalopy. Still, looking at the car with the others, it didn't look that bad. It was like the tree in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. All it needed was a little love... and some paint, some ballast, a few less black thumbprints....

Finally it was time to go in the first heat. Each race was three cars, 1 point for third, 2 points for second, 3 points for first. Each car would race three times in first round.

In between rounds, the cub scouts auctioned off cakes. No, I didn't donate a cake this year. I figured whatever I baked would end up tasting like graphite. But I brought a check and the determination I was going to run up the bidding early. I bought the first cake auctioned for $25, and it turns out I got off lightly. Heh.

But back to racing, and then it was Will's turn. Will's car flew, and so did the other kids' cars. Will came in 2nd. I was thrilled. Will was okay, but he was having a blast goofing around with his friends. Will's second race, another second place. Will was happy, I was happy, and I thought, "If we finish with no last places, that's pretty cool." Then Will's third race and... he won! With that, Will's car qualified for the semi-finals. Unfortunately, the semi-finals went the way I feared, 3rd, 3rd, 2nd.

Still, Will got a trophy. Okay, every kid did, but some trophies were bigger than others, and we got the little trophy. But we had a blast, and we can truthfully say we built the car together and had fun doing it.

Next year we're making a shark.

Hey, where are the other rules?

My son the Tigerscout just got his pinewood derby car kit and the rules for the pinewood derby race. I've got the instructions, the pinewood car kit, the rules for racing the car... but where's the betting form? How close to post time can I lay a wager? Heck, where do I place the wager? Is there a simulcast from other tracks?

Amazingly, his Pack is in the Potawatomi Council. No wonder they fear competition in Kenosha. Maybe the Menomonee Tribe would even offer OTB.

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