Using my network of spies, I have located the transcript for a proposed new ad for “living the High Life.” I'm not sure of the planned air date or market.
Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from the woods where my buddies and I are bow-hunting deer. I have not showered in three days. We’re all wearing red plaid shirts and blue jeans, sitting around the fire and scratching ourselves. Am I living the High Life?”
Host: “Man, I’m afraid you’re living the Pabst Blue Ribbon life. Next caller please.”
Caller: “I’m trapped in a barn with some big horses and they’re eating buckets of rice. The only thing is, they keep watching these stupid frogs. Am I living the High Life?”
Host: “No man, that’s the Budweiser life. Rice in beer. Get yourself a real beer. Next caller.”
Caller: “Hi, if I’m not living the High Life, I’m in Heaven. There’s a bunch of giant scantily-clad hot babes running around in the snow playing football.”
Host: “You’re close. That’s the Coors life. I’m trying to get on those commercials myself. Watch out for that train!”
Caller: “Yaaaahhh!!!!”
Host: “Next caller.”
Caller: “Yeah, hi. I’m at this street festival. Everybody’s wearing leather. Two guys are flogging each other. One guy is demonstrating a sex toy on himself. Over there is a guy licking someone’s boot. I wouldn’t believe I’m living the High Life, but there’s Miller’s logo everywhere.”
Host: “Oh yeah, you’re living the High Life, baby. And say hi to Big Max/Maxine the Nun for me! Well that’s all the time we have for today. And remember, if you’re not enjoying a nice cold Miller High Life while someone is spanking you with a cheese-grater, you’re not living the High Life.”
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