It is rapidly reminiscent of a bad 1950s drive-in movie, Attack of the Animals! Southeastern Wisconsin has been inundated with nature of an unwelcome sort.
Today the headline in the Waukesha Freeman read, “Cow resists Taser, damages police car.” No, it was not an insult of a fat woman. An actual cow ran away from the Waukesha County Fair and fled towards the airport. In the attempted escape, the future guest of honor at Waukesha restaurants decided to charge at a pursuing squad car doing $533 damage to the passenger door. Before the cow was captured, she shrugged off 40000 volts from a police Taser. No word yet if PETA will question the use of the taser, but witnesses report the distinct smell of a backyard barbeque.
Did our bivouacked heifer find inspiration from the orangutan at the Racine Zoo who slipped his cage? He just slipped out the back, Jack. But alas for fans of runaway apes, the orangutan was found in the basement of a zoo building and quickly recaptured. No Dr.Zaius Hollywood roles in his future.
Then there's the tale of Dewey the Eagle, an African eagle who took flight from his earthly bondage at the Milwaukee County Zoo to soar the nearby heavens. His return often seemed imminent but he eluded pursuer after pursuer, no doubt enjoying the Wauwatosa skyline from his aerial view. He, too, has been recaptured.
Closer to home, the cow perhaps should have had second thoughts about escaping. After all, if you have one sighting of a mountain lion, you’ll have more. And in Waukesha, we have more. What we don’t have is official confirmation, a captured puma, or even a good photo. Remember, it’s not a fun predator until Fifi the poodle has been made a big cat snack. Then it gets a nickname, some grants for UW system professors, and a dedicated DNR official.
Even larger, more dangerous predators have been spotted recently. Who will forget the wandering bear in Wauwatosa, or the alligator who was a temporary guest of a fire station in Somers?
Rousseau extolled the virtues of the state of nature. Hobbes condemned it as solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short. I just ask that it not be so restless or so near.
