Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Senator Kohl to end bonuses, reduce salaries for Bucks players

Senator Herb Kohl, owner of the Milwaukee Bucks, has decided to cancel all player bonuses and reduce every player salary to $250,000 per year. The move comes after news reports Governor Doyle has included in his state budget $5,000,000 in renovations for the Bradley Center.

“In light of the taxpayer subsidies,” Kohl told reporters, “it would be unfair to continue to pay salaries so large compared to the average worker’s take home pay.”

Kohl also announced the team would cancel any unnecessary travel as a way of demonstrating they “get it” about taxpayers subsidizing extravagant lifestyles in the midst of a recession.

“We’re canceling trips to Philadelphia and Indiana because we feel that is the best way to show the taxpayers that we will be good stewards with their money. Besides, it’s not like we’re going to win those games anyway.”

Kohl conceded the disappointing season may have contributed to his decision, but denied he was planning on selling the team. “At least, not until the renovations are done.”

When asked if the players would go along with the salary reductions and the canceling of the bonuses, Kohl replied, “I’m sure they will. I’m sure they understand the frustration and anger out there. Or at least they will after Congressman Barney Frank releases their personal information, like their phone numbers and addresses.”