Thursday, January 01, 2009

29 for 2009

29 for 2009

Each year I make a set of predictions and at the end of the year we get to make fun of them. As usual, these are for entertainment purposes only. Using them for wagering or making life-critical decisions is not only not recommended, but may also be hazardous.

As I gaze in to the crystal ball (a blank Word document needing to be filled) I see a world of trouble and turmoil. I see an endless supply of age jokes between now and April 7, 2009. I may even see the bottom of a vodka bottle, or two or three.

My predictions, following the tradition, 29 for 2009:

1. Beer and alcohol prices will increase substantially due to taxes.
2. At least one major “carbon credit” firm will make headlines for being completely fraudulent.
3. Rose Fernandez will be the next State Superintendent at DPI. Democrats will move to change the position to be appointed by the governor.
4. Gas prices at the pump will creep back up to $2.50/gallon.
5. The proposed RTA will have increased opposition, and will not be granted the power to impose a sales tax.
6. The Wisconsin Institute for Leadership’s Brian Fraley will turn to the Cap Times’ John Nichols and say, “John, you ignorant slut.”
7. The Wisconsin State Journal will cease to be a daily newspaper.
8. The number of auto dealerships will shrink as at least one major car manufacturer moves to an internet business model.
9. There will be more US casualties in Afghanistan in 2009 than there were in 2008.
10. Waukesha Mayor Larry Nelson’s white jacket will come back into style.
11. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (Dem) will not be removed from office by the legislature.
12. President Obama will get very annoyed at former President Carter’s interference with US foreign policy.
13. Wisconsin will not pass universal health care.
14. Both Russ Feingold and Herb Kohl will remain bachelors.
15. Barack Obama’s approval rating will drop below 50% by the end of the year.
16. Shirley Abrahamson will not win re-election. Democrats will move to change the State Supreme Court selection process to appointment by a judiciary committee overseen by the governor.
17. Speculation about Congressman Sensenbrenner’s retirement will prompt him to declare his intentions to run again in 2010.
18. Michael Steele will be the next RNC Chairman.
19. The Milwaukee Brewers will finish 80-82.
20. There will be a Mumbai-style terrorist attack in the United States this year.
21. Israel will attack an unspecified target in Iran.
22. The Democrats will recruit a candidate to run against Jeff Wood in 2010.
23. Somebody will ask me if I’m Owen Robinson.
24. At least one member of the state legislature will be involved in a drunk driving accident that results in a fatality.
25. Roland Burris will be the next senator for Illinois.
26. A “dump Nancy Pelosi” movement will emerge in the Democratic Congressional caucus.
27. Global temperatures will be cooler in 2009 than they were in 2008, continuing the downward trend.
28. The DNR will announce that the deer herd in areas that allow hunting are lower than previously thought, while overall deer herd numbers are what they expected.
29. Pabst Farms will not find an anchor tenant.