In a surprise move, Summerfest seized and annexed the Lakeshore State Park, driving the DNR wardens off the island with a "Shock and Awe" assault of fireworks launched from the shoreline. General Charles "Boom Boom" Sykes said the pre-dawn barrage of fireworks included some of Bartalotta's best, "Including the really cool, loud, booming kind." The artillery barrage was quickly followed by a paratrooper assault from the Skyglider, overwhelming any remaining resistance.Summerfest Director Don Smiley announced, "The island is ours, now and forever. We don't want just part of it for a few hours. We want all of it! We will freely lauch fireworks whenever we want! Barges? We don't need no stinkin' barges!"
Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett has reportedly fled to China to seek assistance. It's not known what he has to offer in trade. Senator Kohl reportedly offered the Milwaukee Bucks, but so far nothing has come from the Chinese. It's possible China may be supplying the Summerfest forces with their fireworks.
State Senator Jeff Plale (D-Doyle's pocket) promised to try to mediate a solution but has so far failed to schedule a meeting.
Meanwhile, Former Mayor Norquist apple-polisher Bill Christofferson said, "I knew it! I knew this was their plan all along! I warned everybody! Next they'll change our drinking water! Our precious bodily fluids! They'll break their promises! Aack. Republicans having fun! Ugrrgh."
A spokesman for the DNR, Scott Hassett, complained, "Governor Doyle directed us to get a deal done. That's the way negotiation is supposed to work. There was never any doubt in my mind that fireworks would continue on the lakefront. I was just surprised they resorted to force so quickly." He then added, "If they so much as build one dock for their naval forces we'll blast them out of the water with regulations and fines!"
Newly appointed Doyle for Governor Chairman Marc Marotta was quoted as saying, "Are they going to build a casino there? How much money will we get? Want to see my jump shot?"
