Oh, to be in Manitou Springs on the first Saturday in January for the Annual Fruitcake Toss Day celebrations.
At last, the answer to that age-old question: How do I get rid of this *$&*@#! fruitcake?
People in Manitou Springs have found the answer. Throw it as far as you can, by any means that you can, and hope it’s never found again. You can come watch this amazing event for free (however, contestants pay a small fee or donate a can of non-perishable food to enter the events).
To be fair, separate prizes are given to numerous special tossing divisions. That is, athletes choosing to toss their fruitcakes by hand are not competing directly with those who use a catapult, giant slingshot, or spud gun (or is that a fruitcake gun?). The audience needs to be ever-vigilant for those fruitcakes that end up being tossed straight up in the air by contestants whose timing on the catapult isn’t quite perfect. You know you’re having a bad day when you get hit in the head with a frozen fruitcake falling from hundreds of feet above you.
"Yes, Grandma, we got the fruitcake. Next year could you find one that's a little more aerodynamic?"