Saturday, December 20, 2008

Just to put the reading public in perspective

As much as I enjoy writing a column for the Waukesha Freeman, I try to remember what's the most important feature of any newspaper. From today's Sound Off:

Horoscope

Every morning I wake up (or sometimes in the afternoon) and am delighted to read my Sagittorial horoscope. The “scope” helps me along each day, giving me a sharp perspective of the trials I will face. But today! Oh no! Not today! Here’s what happened today: The “scope” claims that what I thought “would be an easy day is probably already turning tricky.” Well, first of all, I approached this day with a nearly incomprehensible and overwhelming dread. To my delight, I found that my fears were unfounded. Everything went smoothly today and my boss even told me that I looked nice. Nothing tricky about it. Furthermore, there were no “unusual circumstances,” as the “scope” predicted. Nor did I “recall forgotten information” which I would have to “scramble to make up for.” I don’t know who wrote this horoscope for me today, but I should suggest their early retirement and a return to the competence of this regular column.