Monday, August 18, 2008

Veggie dogs, soy chocolate s'mores, God and Country

PETA takes advantage of 70 Boy Scouts contracting e coli from some tainted beef to issue a dietary suggestion to National Capital Area Council of the Boy Scouts of America.

As demand for humane, healthy food has grown, sales of meat substitutes and other vegetarian foods have skyrocketed, and now alternatives to animal products can be found in most grocery stores. Guaranteed crowd-pleasers, Boca Chik'n Patties (a vegetarian version of chicken, but with half the fat and none of the cholesterol) and Gardenburger Riblets (a healthier alternative to pig flesh) would be great additions to any of your scouting events.

Will you please consider serving only vegetarian meals at scouting events and allowing scouts to earn a merit badge for eating a healthy, humane diet?

Hmmm. Pig flesh.

Of course, the e coli from the organic lettuce and tomato on your tofu sandwich will kill you just as quickly. And a kid raised on a Vegan diet may live longer, if you call that living. He's also more likely to die his hair black, listen to techno music, wear more make-up than a girl scout, and never learn how to throw a football properly.

See, what PETA doesn't understand is that this would not be nearly as useful as what my kid's cub scout troop is already doing to avoid the threat of e coli. We're teaching them to kill game with their bare hands so there's always fresh meat at the camp site. Small game at first, of course. But by the time they reach Eagle Scouts it'll be wild boar bacon for breakfast at the camp grounds.